next up.

having digested the high-performance rodeo after party (i love you guys!) with the following day of fray and overtax, i've readjusted my goals.

i've got a extended-technique for percussive guitar harmonics i want to experiment with. i've got a method of nonlinear-time composition that is intrinsically tied to the recording process i want to grapple with (the 'physically impossible to re-create live' stuff i was blithering on about last spring). i've got the urge to resurrect one of my old, unfinished pieces (rexphisher, which was the opening piece in the first set I played at the Soda) in order to build on the notion of wavetable synthesizers in the infrasonic as texturally rich free-rhythms with harmonic content.

i've got an inclination to stretch my legs a bit. i'm not going to be working on albums for the next while, just individual pieces. i'm putting my 9 unfinished albums in the vault and setting sail toward a new star.

Slake/Ganglion Split EP

The S/G Split EP is done, just in time for Thedayafterboxing Day Eve Eve. We've made some spiffy origami gatefold sleeves with nifty artwork using solvent pens and printed photos and perhaps some hand decorating. I'll try to have some on me when I'm in Calgary on the 29th through New Years (there are three points to this sentence, including those one). If you'd like one, hunt me down. I'll also be posting the whole EP online, but it doesn't come with the nifty artwork. I will also be taking mail orders, which are free unless you feel like writing me a letter in return (I'd really appreciate it). Mail orders not only include the artwork, but perhaps a few bonus Ganglion-related treats as well.

Post a comment or send me an email if you're interested. Peace on Earth and Good Will Hunting, Marry Best Dress and Harpy-Glue Beer.

1) Hey
2) Come On
3) Outside And
4) Happen

Personnel: Evan Smibert (Guitar & Vocals), Dylan Smibert (Bass), Bret Halina (Drums), Ivan Reese (Guitar, Voice & Percussion). Tracks 1&2 written by Slake (Evan/Dylan/Bret), 3&4 written by Ganglion (Ivan).

Laughing Pottypants

I'm posting this on my blogger blog. It IS fucking stupid that it shows up on facebook, and I can't remember how I did that or how to turn it off, so.. hopping along. That's an excuse. I'm not turning it off. I am good at figuring out, "I do this for a living."

I have been listening to a lot of noise music, ramping up to do the album I have also been punctu...ally digging into old recordings. Recordings I do, reader. I do them. I make music and sometimes sounds that you wouldn't call music. Odd you, kiri, wouldn't even call it music. You, other exemplar templar, bastion of the weird wyrd, sister.. placebo of a person acting to type - you too, would be too tight and tawdry of spirit, inkling to treasure and reserve reverence for those never brethren one such as me, mastermind-cum-masturbator of misgivings, waster of your time with this, that, and the thing anything but what you would call - you, avid appreciator and eager name-dropper of all things obfuscated and reject, little-known and catalogue-combed - you, part and parcil (it's a prescription drug i'm making up here), pit and patter, betrothed to and clutching to the heart strings the auteur noise musician, the mangler of "is it art" and "but i don't like it" who graces still photoblogs and 'least likely to be darling fucking adorable' - you, of space and comma - you. To call music this sound I've made an assemblage of myself, would not.

I make music, and sometimes that you would not call music, emblazoned to a crispness deserving of texture. Amon Tobin: "Fuck the visuals - we're sinking every last penny into the sound system".

I found an old sample titled "crunchbass_nonsense.aiff" is a very, very fitting title for a recording of this ridiculously crunchy bass-heavy explosion of a wall, a fist from each speaker. CrunchhypenBasshyphenNonsense was the basis for a song called "IPcode", something an Owen asked to have made very late in the morning years ago. 4am late. And tonight, I was to be done digging and put the bassline on my own fuck-the-visuals and immediately, upon hearing this sound for the first time in these years, realized that the song would work terrifically well live. I've been struggling to find ways of performing this new material... it's all environmental and fuck-ro-scopic. Perhaps, to see it made, a line could be crossed. I could lose your favor. You may begin to think I'm not actually.. cool. I'm being gratuitous. I'm being a disrespectful braggart, a Herculean timewaster, only not deserving of such high-edifying verbiage. Not that you have it in you, you fucking slag.

Slag. noun. stony waste matter separated from metals during the smelting or refining of ore. Oh, let's bask here for a moment. Worship me, my rabbits. Swallow every stroke of every letter. This garbage is on your mind. I'm the boy who has just discovered my penis, and I'm peeing on your everything.

collide-a-whirl. I put on this bassline and fucking danced for an hour. I don't generally do this, so all signs point to rekindling old flames.

I want to record the noise album NOW, but I also want to start work on the style-unnamed album 3, since it will take a really long time to do. Like Like.. in the way songs like have singles, this album.. in this series like.. will be the single like. It'll be the like album that stands out as the like clear "winner" amongst you like types who appreciate "like music" and, unlike the sonic hummingbird of my previous personal example, do not come within an arm's reach of "like noise". It'll catch you with it's effortless melodic existence, and pull you into the depths of sound so direct and soluble you don't realize it is not like, is as fucking weird as the next 'entry' in the series.. haha you're fucked. you will listen to it high, and it will be.. pudding. you'll have to turn it off. high. you don't know how to tell, insolent whelp! i spurn you to death, pitworth. i spurn you as i would spurn my very self, bleeding with wounds i've sewn open. i'm going to have sex with these portmanteau. pluralesbian. plebatory. punct.

you can't even tell which two words i've sandwiched for those last two. THEY AREN'T PORTMANTEAU, you'll scream.. only.. you'll use the "s" form plural. look it straight in the I love you. I've always loved you. I've written letters to myself, telling me of my love.

i'm also having a humdinger of a time deciding what christmas ditties to put to tape and party this winter break. i've one Little Drummer Boy in the sack, Three Kings have RSVPeed, and my third attendee is only a Silent Night away. I know of one more to invite, a musical portmanteau of the James Bond theme and Thurl Ravencroft's masterpiece. I'd like two more, and welcome suggestions.

Why?

Why is it my goal to make not just every album, but every song, sound like it's by a different band? It's more than just to avoid repeating myself. It's more than just trying to keep things fresh and interesting for me, or to force myself to change or respond to changes as I learn and grow more as a musician.

It's got the added benefit of setting myself up for this: People who appreciate my music, and appreciate the majority of it or all of it as opposed to a few songs, are people who appreciate music of a wide variety. They don't appreciate my music because of my style or the sonorities of my recordings or the poetry of my lyrics or the quality of my singing voice or the energy of my band or the cred they get for listening to noise-fusion. They enjoy music, and so they enjoy my music. My music is music, it's not rock music.. it's not noise music.. it's not folk music. It's just music, and it's closer to all music than it is to ______ music.

As long as it's good music.

Ensign, Status Report!

51) Stung By The Lover Bee - The recorders are still sounding out of key and too bloody loud. The ending guitar rises up too quickly, while everything else falls too quickly (where did it all go? It sounds like a crossfade, for fuck sakes).

52) The Inside-Out Upside-Down Blues - Preeeetty good.

53) Oven Cleaner - The vocals are close, but not close enough. I can really nail this one out of the park if I take my time with it. Nix the band-choir stuff, put that in Oh, Mercy if anywhere. Do I like the last second? Do I dislike it? It does build up suspense on repeated listens, but doesn't have the cool of the Strands/Shake transition.

54) Natural Causes - A few more vocals, otherwise.. it's pretty good. The guitar has that moleville pulse! Maybe I should play that up during the section before the middle.

55) The Waters Coming - Preeeeetty good.

56) Oh, Mercy - hmmmmmm.

57) EEr Err - Too soon to tell.

58) Fuck The Diseases - Do I want to cut it down to the first section? Probably not, but think about it.

59) Fargo - Vocals, extra soloing instruments, LEVELS, ending

60) Shadow - Tightness.

Don't worry too much about the missteps or well never make it to 8.

60. Shadow

I recorded the final, album-version of Shadow tonight... and I videotaped myself doing it, for some reason. Posterity, I guess.. and the high probability that I'll want to make a music-video out of this song, perhaps incorporating footage of the actual recording. It's funny that, upon first hearing this song (played on acoustic guitar, without vocals, without effects, etc) Richie remarked that it sounded like Beautiful People by M. Manson. Now that I've put down the guitar, vocals, and jawharp that together carry the first half of the tune, it's starting to sound more like my old music... older than Incubator.. older than Notherworld.. older than the BananaPhone remix... older than Extrospective... when I was living in that red-lit basement, dropping out of ACAD, and experimenting with.. well.. guitar and manipulated voice noises.

So, Shadow. Sounds old. Also, sounds like the current album, which is good as it's the closing track. The summary of things in the hour-past. The final argument. The wrap-up, the big picture.. all cards in play, all chips thrown in the pile..

So, Shadow. Sounds good. I can't wait to finish this one. This brings the total of songs that are turning out as excitingly as I had hoped, or more so: Natural Causes, Fargo, and now Shadow. EEr Err has potential, Fuck The Diseases and the rest... we'll see how far I can take them. Go! had Little Anyone, Outside And.. and Happened; Incubator had 72nd, Low Freak, and Notherworld. So, if I make at least 3 really good songs fall out of this album, I'm doing as well as I ever have.

Let's see here... Away has Angst Takes, Pharmacist and.. probably First Encounter. Point has You Are Here and the rest haven't been recorded (though the second and fourth tracks, whose names elude me, have promise). Laugh has Out Of Me and Leaves A Burnt Out Husk thus far. Look has Cat Dandruff (finally, a first track!) and not much else.. though Africa Arica is full of mission goo. Lost has the most yet.. Epic, Tigers, Math, Potted Plants, and Nest are all.. A+ tracks in my book, though they all need to be finished and re-mastered (I've learned a lot in the last year.. and my ear is much, much sharper now).

unusual instruments

Remember.. avoid novelty! But by the same token, only half of music can be written out on paper. Tone and Texture are just as important as Pitch and Rhythm.

how to make a thumb piano: http://www.instructables.com/id/Instant-Thumb-Piano%3a-How-to-make-a-set-screw-lamel/

drum on a bent sawblade

glass harmonica (inlaid bowls along a spinning shaft)

syringe (plastic tip, not needle tip.. can work like a slide whistle. maybe saw off part of the tip to make it a bigger opening). or, by the same token, a bicycle pump.

air let out of a balloon, rub a balloon, pop a balloon, pop a balloon under water, let air out of a baloon.. into a trumpet!

Djura Gaida - kinda like a bagpipe, but more unusual.

drum on water (put down a tarp or a towel or something)

nose flute (cheap and plastic!)

Kinnor (a little less unusual, but a beautiful sound)

the blue man group made a keyboard and drum machine that are pretty cheap (used??) and cool for circuit bending, perhaps!

make a bagpipe out of a plastic bag: tape it all shut, and put in 2 recorders (one drone, one to be played) in the bottom and a tube for blowing through in the top.

and interesting pattern could be burned into trace on a PCB and used as the interface for something electronic. consider this for the cloth sound board.

A tongue drum. Easy to make (just cut into some nice wood with a jigsaw, sand down and voila!).

Spokes on a bike.. could be cut to various lengths and bowed (with the tire removed, of course).

an actual ratchet (as opposed to a wooden or plastic one.. or perhaps one of that style, made with tuned metal.. like a music box)

A hollow Güiro with an opening that may be covered/uncovered to change the resonant pitch (like opening and closing a mouth as you drum on it).

put a mouthpiece on vinyl tubing (really long would look cool) and a funnel (or traffic cone) on the other end as a bell: vinyl trumpet! Don't forget to mute it with something cool.

any instrument that contains water (ie: rubbing a glass) can have it's pitch changes by sucking the water out through a tube, into one's mouth.

one of those beer hats can be gurgled through...

LP10

Throatsinging.

snips

Raising hallelujah

The poetry of eating tongues

12-string tuning for LitAny and OutAnd...

all notes slightly flat. brackets mean an octave down, square brackets mean 2 octaves down. the octave break is here considered to be between G# and A.

(F)[F] A(A) D(D) X(C) CC EE

yes, those C's and E's are unison (with a little detuning for an accordion-like tone).

tune to little anyone if needed. don't trust outside and.

things to use

*chattering teeth. fast chattering teeth.

*tape being stuck and unstuck... use good tape, quality scotch if available.. or packing. do it on a plastic surface.

*more water-bottle taps

*vegetables... for fuck sakes, watch Eli Eli 10 more times.

instruments to build

a bow-waterphone
a zero-input mixer
a fader thereminvox (with different waveshapes/fader, perhaps), a strip-resistor theremin, and a regular theremin
a tin-can thumb piano (different sizes)
a rubber-band banjo (out of the ocean drum)
a 3rd-bridge hurdy-gurdy, perhaps one with a resonating chamber

i need to learn how to construct my own bellows, reeds (perhaps out of rubber cloth), and resonating chambers. i need to dig up my highschool physics 20 notes about open/closed tubes.

may notes

DRASTIC DESTRUCTIVE LFO PITCHSHIFTING:

I need to run a whole song (or a select bunch of tracks) through an LFO in simpler. Probably a sine, though if it's slow enough.. sawtooth would sound nifty. if it doesn't slow down and speed up evenly enough, i'll have to raise or lower the pitch detune so it balances out with the metronome (so the straight tracks won't go out of sync with the LFO'd tracks). this would work well with DRASTICALLY bent guitar, lap steel, cello, other bent instruments... etc.

It would work well ON percussive melodic instruments... piano, xylophone, bent hi-hat, etc... things that you wouldn't expect to slide in and out of their root.

Don't forget.. the rate could probably be animated, as could the depth.

That's going to be one long ass midi note.

**************************
BACKWARD AND FORWARD

Write a melody that sounds good. When flushing out the instrumentation, learn the melody backwards, reverse what's down so far (say... half of the instruments), and record the rest of the instruments playing the melody backwards along with the flipped track. Flip the result, so the melody plays the right direction. Then, about half way through... invert which instruments are forwards/backwards. I'll have to record everything twice (once forwards, once backwards), but it'll sound neat. Make especially sure some instruments from the first half are in the second half. Like.. a piano, or a drum kit.. or something. It'll carry the listener over the switch. Hell, maybe make it staggered (so it's not all at once)... or maybe make it all at once, fuck... play with it until it sounds good.

Try this with lyrics, and other vocalizations. Maybe.. do it on a voice-only song.

**************************
ACCELERATING SNARES ON 64ths

You know the sound... roll.. speed up SLIGHTLY, carry the rhythm into a mute or something silky. Go for samba rhythms.

Do it on I Observe, and keep Rexphisher short, damnit! Also on IObserve, stack between 3/4 and 4/4 with various swings.


**************************
Update as needed.

lyrics and plan

HEY... you probably don't want to read this. It'll seem weak and fruitless and a lot of the interesting... nuances that i'll be dragging out with my voice will be lost from your eyes.

So.. don't read this. It's just here so i CAN'T lose it. I still have to memorize it all, you know.



my chin should bleed a bit or have a spot of blood on it.. but i digress, partially, already from

a figure, red from the head, descends from a clouded thunder-cap and if you will, a bitter pill, his tabliture..

opiates... and a light for the middle of

a telling for town bellows out as though a touring show with a microphone hiding teeth from sight

(build) the figure speaks of "spite when the animals delight"

a flash following thunder-clap electrofucks the figure, (speak) which is what happens when polarities get messed up.. and people go back to the heaven from whence they came.... and with a bit of luck my mic'll be safe to the touch but i digress, already, again

a present of meta-fiction, a quarter-hour on television, and men opening mouthes in Earth.

and men, with his industry, strip-mining and rock quarries, erecting monuments to his erectile difficulties

for two years, intermittently, a bird flew in through the men's chimney and got ash on the fucking carpet fuck

(change)

men paid most birds little mind, undoing of course the dodo.. with the dog, and some greater abominations

(build) but figure advised "all the fish in the world are going to die"

men's great mouthes relocate stone and steel, dissipated into the downtown core of cities to build teeth white with cheque-books and bills

TD Square and Scotia bank on their success, boxing men into a tight geometry, into great teeth full of hands and wheels

men protect themselves from birds with windowpanes, and birds become splat plaques in the flats of the teeth

(build) and the figure voiced "there's choice before the animals rejoice!"

silly men with their atrocities (speak) did a real number on the ozone layer and the rain-forests couldn't create enough oxygen and the polar ice cap catastrophe awoke a great monster with a hundred bladed knees forged in iron and men had overfished the sea so when most of the fertile land flooded the surviving population had no food to eat so they turned to cannibalism and the surviving animal population laughed in union(stop dead)

(speak, switch patch) the laugh could be heard from all nine parts of deep space.

(instrumental)
(birds and keys)
(claps and mouth sounds)
(guitar)
(plug mic back in, but FIND SOME WAY TO MUTE IT THAT CAN BE EASILY UNMUTED FOR THE ENDING)
(snare.. silky rolls)
(ride)
(distortion)
(fill... break in with tom and crash)
(vamp, switching PS with big mutes on the drums for emphasis)
(scream, unmic'd, during the mutes)
(fade the distortion out on the loop)
(stop cymbals, so it sounds like a compressed tunnel beat.. really tribal)
(throatsing into the delay... write some lyrics.. beatbox? scream intermittently)
(still drumming)
(cut everything at once.. end with a ting or somethig)

Show Sequence

SPOILERS! BEWARE!

Handheld -> Splitter 1a -> Splitter 2a -> DDD (151.33 x) -> In
Guitar -> Splitter 1b -> Splitter 2a -> DDD (151.33 x) -> In
Wave Generator -> Splitter 2b -> DDD (151.33 x) -> In
Stand -> PA (please mr... reverb!)

FV -> SDD (227) -> DD (1812) -> RVB -> OD/DS -> PRE

How do I stop the SDD from outputting, whilst still allowing all kinds of feedback (delayed, guitar, mic, etc)?

CTRL Tog: DD Level 0-100 (for alternating chords)
CTRL Nor: DD On-Off (for popping more stuff in) <- this might not work well
EXPR Nor 0-10: DD Fb 0-100 <- to fill SDD first
EXPR Nor 10-50: FV 0-100 <- stop feeding the SDD
EXPR Nor 100-127: RVB Lev 0-50 <- smooth out the highs
EXSW Tog: OD/DS On/Off <- kilter

To mute at peak, use the tuner.
To kill all DD, switch patches (more later)

Out 1 -> Bass
Out 2 -> Guitar
Phones -> PA (does this mute 1/2?)


MAJOR SPOILERS!!!!! BEWARE!
Sonority sequence:
greeting
vocal intro, stack, lead, harmony, lead
stack rims in 12/8 (put on guitar)
trombone
guitar stack, lead
drums lead, stack
generator
fade stack/kill (end of first section)
throat stack
kill generator power
slide guitar down to accompany
stack slide rhythm
...

00:1 Second

The first is 1 minute in duration, with a rhythm continually grinding between 120 beats per minute and 60 beats per minute.

Featuring the following "instruments":
A clock in a freezer
A clothing dryer with an uneven load
An alphabet toy (circuit bent)
3 floor toms, tuned to a pentatonic chord
A strange thumping noise
Reversed voices exclaiming "the battery is dead"
A furnace turning off and on ad infinitum.
1 note piano
A snare drum being hit at approximately 2500Hz (times per second)
Button accordion
A (different?) clock in a freezer

gear

http://www.alesis.com/product.php?id=95 - might be nice. only $500... 4 preamps. up to 192khz!

http://www.eliosound.com/aireq - low cpu, tons of control, unique character

T1953TU - SWAP OUT THE TUBES.. go for old RCA 12ax7s if i can find them

More plans....

Ivan is to do the following:

build a no-input mixer, perhaps just using patch cords (SAFER, YOU FOOL!). even a DJ mixer would work.

jan 27th plans

DON'T READ THIS UNLESS YOUR NAME IS IVAN REESE. ELSE, SURPRISES WILL BE SPOILED FOR YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, FOOL!

I will need the following gear, which is currently in (loation):

deep floor tom (sylvan)
snare (calgary)
hi-hat with ride on the bottom, studio crash ABOVE the clutch, possibly cowbell at the top of the pole (calgary)
brushes & sticks (sylvan)

trombone (sylvan)
modified mouthpiece (unknown)
cornet mouthpiece (calgary)

gibson (calgary) <-- remind owen to ensure it's not broken after all, otherwise
{possibly} dan-electro or riv's strat (calgary/sylvan)

dan-echo (sylvan)
gt-6 (sylvan)

y-cables (unknown)
at least 3 mics (sylvan & calgary)
at least 1 mic stand (sylvan & calgary)
at least 2 amps, with at least 2 inputs on one, hopefully more (sylvan & calgary)
pignose amp, practice amp, other small amp (unknown)

E-BOW (??)

bread machine (sylvan)
pool noodles (sylvan)
duct tape (sylvan)
pickbox (calgary)
blender or food processor (sylvan)
electric egg-beater (sylvan)


THINGS TO REMEMBER TO DO:
Go to the thrift store
Phone Owen about birthday, gibson, etc
Ask parents for a ride on the 27th
Ask Kris, others.. for more delay pedals.
Set up GT-6 patches by the dozen

Record "0:01 second" (don't forget.. signal light, clock, lar's metronome, stove electric burner under a large pot, tea kettle, new/old TV on/off, fire alarm, keys, cracking knuckles, string unwinding, bread machine, blender, vacuum cleaner (on.... off.... on.... off....), toaster, furnace at 4am, pencil snapping in half)

rehash. mash. mash.

i am at a loss. i am always at this loss. i ache. i experience heartburn on a daily basis, independant of diet. heartache, i guess they call it. it is a burning sensation. i guess that means PASSION is involved in some.. sick.. fuck.

i ache to make much of my life, and of the lives of those around me. i feel like.. the center ring of a tree.. a tube, pushing upwards and out.. involved in.. growth. expansion. at first i carried with me the most imediate bark surroundings.

despite pentangular belief

The milk faces we filmed are going to be built into a creature (made up.. in certain regions of space and movement... of flowing liquids that come from and disappear into themselves.. and some flame.. and some vomit.. and some pulse and hum). it appears in the boiler, which i plan to shoot at ACAD (unless we get access to a water treatment plant.. which is possible, eventually).

i'm working on a creature with alison that i'm really fond of, but i don't know how to use it as anything beyond a recurring part of the environment (like all those little critters they added when they fucked with the classic star wars movies... or, i'd rather think, like the tiny red alligators on your eyelashes).

at some points of the movie, the scale (of the mise-en-scene as well as the characters) will change dramatically.. without interruption (no cuts).

my reason for making a movie has always been... it's the excuse to make a boatload of visual materials... and tie them together into a tasty package.. easily swallowed with mind blowing results.

think the intro to fight club, in the brain.. but out and IN to small and (especially) large scales. One of the characters is going to BE the tubing of our city. The ventilation. The drainage. The exhaust. The intake.

The ACAD boiler is a lung. Our lickwid is a sick, it's been decided (by richie.. of all surprisingly pointed people). We visit this livinglung for council or.. something. I almost feel like there has to be a kiss.

I haven't decided on other body parts. I didn't ponder it before tonight.. the system containing our lung-monster has to be a character.. i have to make tubing tell a story.

When we shink scale, it'll be a chance for me to [learn to] tap some suspension of disbelief. I'm going to do it photorealistically.. by my measure. I'll need creatures... characters that trascend these shifts... or, at least, visible interactions between these levels of scale..

this might be where the story (PLOT? POINT?) comes to the rescue..... I want to use this animation to show children how ridiculous it is to be what they are... and that they need to not worry so much about fucking [around] [with] being alive... I want to help them (any myself, mostly)... not grow [up] stale. So I show them how the world might look if everything twisted into itself....

I want to build micro-landscapes out of cardboard and metal and... whatever i get my hands on that looks something-scopic. the sounds will have to be used to as much effect as possible... (and if we're building with styrofoam and wood... they make really neat sounds without any help!).

I also want to play with the presentation of some dead... the view from a dying mind. it, once again, just gives me the excuse to fuck of with my visuals and.. do a bunch of fun things. with motion....... this might be saved for something different. something that's not so... "student hobby animation project". fuggg.

visiting sandwich lights

i'm sorry i've been providing you with drugs, owen. you really need to stop, and i hope i do too (though i'm bad at sticking on any one thing.. like sobriety). i'm sorry i've been a lot of bad things to a few people around me, especially. now i'm going to pay attention to my learnings and do what i've been thinking about, and i'd like you [all] to lend me a hand. i'm pretty sure you've already been doing that, and i haven't looked up in quite some time.

i feel like i'm [in the early stages of] making my life's work. my fucking life's work. i have the opportunity to do it right now, and i may never have this kind of freedom again. i cannot do it alone, because i've found a lot of [my] shortcomings (like only having one physical body). fuck limits, they're there. help me because you can cover my ass. help me because you can give me a life i want, as opposed to one i'd work on leaving.

i want to start [again?] with an animation. i want to put together a small part of it.. something that can hold on it's own, make no mistake.. but just a piece of placemat. the frontlines. a gash glimpse. ha qqqq (FOOTNOTE 1).

i [have been talking on the internet of this idea since last summer, at least...] want to start applying for some funding for my projects. i feel like i have enough together to get something off the ground. i can see, very clearly, what i'd do.. and what i'd get people to do. lets see:

* I need a story. I've asked owen [because his stories tickle me, and a ticklish story might be nice (FOOTNOTE 2)], and he seems unsure about being a storyteller for me. I need someone who would be my storyteller... they'd give me something to put my ideas together.... i need glue. i have a world. i'm a world builder... but i need an animating force.

* I need tools. I need painters. i need wood and metal and fabric and musical instruments and some workspaces with recording capacity... cameras and computers and lots of free time. It wasn't until owen and I started recording our spontaneous music that i noticed we had some much on the go (in a really good way).. it gave me such perspective into myself... and recordings let me bask in that thread of my life without having to play that same way ever again.

my lips are burning.

my throat is a desert. i'm afraid. talking = rattling the shelf across the room from me. i frymyself. i can never tell if anyone else thinks the human body can make some neat fucking sounds... but i intend to make case. thanks for putting up with me while i practice.

there's been a new lease on life sitting in front of me for some time now... sometime i think a lot about it.. sometimes i think of moving as far away from it as possible. usually.. i just don't know what to do with it. time for a change of pace.

(FOOTNOTE 3)

FOOTNOTE 1
I've been instinctually making weird noises with my whole body as much as fucking possible lately. my throat and mouth especially; my hands ever since i started drumming (when i was 3 or 4, if not earlier); my skin and bones and any stick with a good echo.

FOOTNOTE 2
I think I want to appeal to children, as much [and as well] as people in my situation. I want to blow some heads open while it still matters to one, and in a way that encourages action...as opposed to inaction. this is why I.. must stress that i only want to START with this animation. i think it's something that could be finished and wrapped nicely. i want to try decorating...... but then i want to bring my other interests into [my life's work]. video games are becoming a way for people to be properly creative, without fear of rejection or [moreso] situation. i think there's a desire for games that don't suck you into a chair. i see games that have the functionality of photoshop (which is already a game to me). this is why spore excites me, but i see where it's cut short.

i don't know if i want to make video games. i know people who do, and i want to work with them. but i want to be a textural artist. i want to build worlds... rich with texture. i want to make the front door to this world entertaining, exciting, inspiring... yadda yadda.

i want to do to other people what animal collective are doing to me. i know... they're pop, they're popular... they've got one hell of an act (if that's all and it)... but it fills me with such a fucking energy that i crave nothing more than joining in the fun. when i listen. i want to make sights and sounds and things to feel and.. all of that.. to encourage everyone to blow their heads off. i want everyone doing visual drugs, even if they're not consuming in the most physical sense.

FOOTNOTE 3
I don't know if i should quit doing drugs or not. On the upper, I've been introduced to a lot of fantastic ideas while intoxicated... most everything from the last few (particularly active) weeks have been offset discoveries. On the downer, (yes.. this wording is my way of being cute. I'm not a writer, please give ivan stories to tell.) i've been chokin out at school with no good reason to give myself. I just convince myself that I don't enjoy what I'm studying.. which is bogus. I love this stuff... and I'm good at it. I just need to keep on the blade.. instead of riding the fuckfuck wake... and falling off the floor becomes my instinct or hometown. I've got enough to work with.. If I only find good ideas on drugs, then I don't need drugs for a good while.

I'm going to talk about my animation, to give myself something to look at and ponder. (that's what this journal is for.. not.. so much.. my typical bitching).

My desire to be a moviemaker first kicked in hard when I was in grade 7 or 10... I dreamed up a computer generated film to spend a decade working on... it was ridiculous... like the SNL skit about Bill Clinton screenwriting... All gigantic dinosaurs and helicopters and robots and intense battles.... radiohead as the basis. dust brothers as the work ethic.

That went nowhere. I gave up on that idea.

I made some funny films for Humanities that plum bobbed in both directions. My time in this class is one of the few things I'm particularly proud of doing in my life, and I am not a proud person [pride puts me off like a doctrine]. Steve and I ran our class.. literally... we came up with the curriculum... we decided what the assignments were going to be... we started and led huge group projects where everyone was writing and filming and acting and recording and running around and faving fun... and it was all put together into [s]o[r]ne thing[s] at the end... Steve liked to indulge in his disfunctional guts. He never finished what he tried to do, and I often had to cover over his gaping holes (and failed). This is where I became comfortable indulging in myself artistically. We lit his caretaker's kitchen on fire with rubbing alcohol, a pie plate, and a garbage bag...(and i failed an assignment for this).

I made interactive 3D movies about Caesar... [and Giger, which was my first stab.. that's where he filled my life.. specifically] and the school exploding (which we shot a lot of actual footage for... that never got used. many bluescreen stuffs... we had a room to ourselves, with every fucking stagelight in the school. we took the lab power grid out enough times that they gave us our own keys to the breaker. We put holes through the drywall. We talked people (who normally hated our guts) into running around like they were on fire.. because it was what passed as "work".

I have these kinds of stories.. I just can't tell them in a world where characters exist on many levels... there is a sickness in the world lung. there's a liquid sick. owen's face looked best (with his fucking perfect makeup!).

I can only make these kinds of stories with the people around me. I used to be a leader, I can say without any doubt in my mind. I used to guide people. I used to make a collective contribution and... it used to build and build until we had sheep puppets and jungle sets... steve could never get his fucking lines right... and we had them printed off in gigantic font, placed on 2 wooden boards (you know the ones.. they're about a half-inch thick.. 4' by 6'.. bendy...)

i want to stick a microphone on each half of one, pan them to stereo (one hard left, the other hard right).... and go somewhere where there's motion. cars driving by. seaguls. wind and trees. people yelling. the sounds of life... emphasized slightly. like what i want to do with the sounds of the human body... like what Do Make Say Think do with their cymbals (played lightly... placed louder in the mix than they would be in real life...).

I think I can do this for a living. But I can't get anywhere exciting (like i've known so well) without the social aspect. I need to find some cohorts. I think I already have... I just have to tell them I'm ready.

Whubbwaqkppttc.

thingstorecord (wip)

•violin siren
•door waving roof weepings
•mouth beats to take one NOISE at a time and turn into real drums (including pitch nuances to be done on APHEXPEDAL)
•APHEXPEDAL
•hair dye glove fingers popping (be silent, blows)
•real drums for the heavy part of Extrospective!

attempting to further preserve

we were listening to the D loops and talking about angels... owen saying the loops sounded like angels singing to him (which he had experienced earlier, as a result of the mushrooms).
what if... the ending of my movie.. as he's dying, he starts feeling the embrace of god... and... god is there, in his world... and slowly... consuming his world.. and.. he breaks down, believing he is going to heaven. then... it all just.. breaks apart (think.. end of RIVEN.. but.. no stars)... and he goes into... credits. perhaps he can play with those... might be a good metafiction joke. maybe there will be credits written throughout the movie... on walls and in the visuals and in the sounds... in the sky...

but yes, the end.. has to be his... hearing angels and... them dying. similar to the angels being in the SOUND of the D-loops, and then the sound breaks away and leaves....

dreadful

I think I've discovered the secret song that was hiding inside of Dread... waiting to burst out and eat the souls of young children and weak adults. Listening to the original now, I can hear the beginnings of what it's become (for myself, at least), and it sounds much more full, now that I know how far it could go and has gone.

I'm not sure if what I've done is drawing unnecessary inspiration and external direction or just.. following something to it's natural conclusion and watching it blossom and wither and mold.

The song is unfortunately easy to push aside and disregard as (slightly tingly) background noise... though... when one such as myself gives it proper attention... it has the "right effect". it "does the trick". it works. it killed me just now... something I (until now) wondered if my music would ever be able to do.

Justin, email me if you read this and, if you're interested, i'll send you a copy. I'm not going to put this online anytime soon, as I'm planning to release it (along with a few other things) on CD to.. a small, willing audience (yourself included, if you're willing). If you like it, we can use it (or any parts of it.. as.. the ending half probably wouldn't work well in the context of the album, but... some of the strings might be a nice touch for some part somewhere) on your album with any modifications that we'd come up with for.. anything. I'm really curious to see how it would work with some distinct human voices (as opposed to.. what there is already.. indistinct... and...

on hold

just a thought: i need to record something with slow gear (see song: caitlin) and reverse it. it might sound like something with keys being played (think about the volume envelope... it's long attack and 0 release).

working working working

tonight i've made a bunch of samples using old stuff I recorded and arranged in Live. i've got a bunch of guitar-sourced samples that feel like BoC synths, which is good. I've got a few rhythm samples that sound like Aphex, which were surprisingly easy to make (so much for imagining him spending horrendously long sequencing in 1/64ths). I've got some stuff that started as circuit-bending an alphabet-button toy thing from Value Village (with Alison), that actually... sounds as though I might be able to use it for something.

All of these samples I'm collecting are giving me hope that I'll be able to do this album. I think I've got enough stuff to start working on the first bit of (Hate). I'm not going to have to force myself to do anything with my shitty keyboard because the guitar samples sound great for that sort of thing. I'm not going to have to force myself to record plastic-pickle-barrel-percussion with makeshift soft mallets made of broken drumsticks and a facecloth and hockey tape.... because I've got some weird percussion stuff already (like this). I love that sample.... thanks for letting me use your voice, owen.. and for being there when I made it.

I'm really hoping I can get Kaj's drum kit... that would make this whole thing doable... and.. much less daunting. Of course, I could probably do with the drums I've got in sylvan... only.. then I'd have to do a lot of editing to get it sounding "right".

I've got a guitar melody that I'm working on also... I'm going to play it with some Mice Parade-ish rhythm and lay some really frantic drumming behind it (probably with hands on different surfaces... no sticks or anything, I want it to sound... really, really organic).

There might be a lot of auto-paning (or stereo tremolo, some might call it) on this album.. i think. I hope I don't overdo it (or anything, for that matter).

working...

well, this is where i'll post all my notes for my REAL work this summer.

So far today, i've decided to write some sort of simple, haunting melody to play with the E-bow during the start of (Hate). Then, for the outro, i'll play the same thing on Violin. (Hate) will drone in, i think... I'm really in love with that idea.. perhaps It needs some sort of solid START, which can fade out and come back as a drone-in before the beat takes off and I go crazy with the sound effects (if that actually ends up working.... it's going to be a lot of work to set up, just to see if it's going to sound good at all.. which would be unfortunate if i had to scrap it in the end... oh well, just remember how many times I had to re-do junk for the Blowing Up School movie... the fucking roof... and the chairs... and the particles... stupid meshes)

Using a gate on percussion works ok, but I should try to use it on isolated samples only... not on fully sequenced beats... I'll build the beats out of gated samples, that way i can control how crisp each element should be. I wonder if there is some way I can build this junk non-destructively... perhaps i need to make nested folders for each song, with a root-level final mix full of loops, which are just exports of arranged component parts that i save into different categorized folders. each final track that is made up of a sequence could have it's own folder, with it's own final mix and all components saved within... then, if i needed to do a sequence of a sequence, i could just... nest the folders... like... parent-child... i get it, right?

fuck.

i need to figure out how to work my vocoder. i wonder if using the pitch of a keyboard melody and the volume of a solid tone (which i'd HAVE TO generate artificially) would work for making a synth-sound... as my keyboard has too much vibrato built in to every sustained instrument.

Also, I need to remember to do something with the E-bow and the Tambura, and the E-bow with the acoustic tuned really low (the A string seems to work better than the E for this). The acoustic got some interesting overtones and harmonics and beats (the physics, 2-tones-slightly-out-of-pitch-with-each-other kind) after a certain amount of de-tuning. I wonder if the violin bow would get anything interesting out of that.

Further... Next time I break a string... I have to record (hopefully by sticking a mic inside the sound hole) myself pulling the string apart... and.. playing with it... it sounds too fucking cool. The electric can also pick this junk up, if i do it right.

Would the Erhu bow do anything neat to the violin?

john denver wishing well

immediately after turning, immediately after the subsequent snap, she begun walking towards the door with the crack i was peaking through

final step

ivan eat too many physics

resu

focus on tasks (broken down to knowledge (described), skills (broken down, bulleted), and attitude (will come through in wording and profile)) that i can do, not employment that i've had/jobs i've done/etc.

write assertively. (says who? me!)

work towards having things that i've initiated to break down.

Professional Experience:

Butt Ugly Anti-Tobacco Program
Website (front-end design prototype 2004)
Sound CD stuff (2001-2004)
ID Card design/layout for print (2004)

Tanya Ryga, Performing Arts, Red Deer College
Stock Video Editing (Instructional material production, video editing)
Dialect sample CD (Instructional material, audio editing)

Subway (info in calgary / on resume)

Volunteer Experience:

HJ Cody:
CD Project
Galileo Videocon
Involved in the development of Galileo's program

today

DOCUMENTARY 1950'S VOICES:

Today we are going to explore the format. We begin with an abstract idea or phrase, usually representing an idea or notion containing no resemblance to music. Then we express this idea in a non-musical format, exploring the extent to which this idea can be unfolded. Next, we begin to translate the unfolded idea into different styles of musical expression. Finally, the musical expressions are captured and manipulated, resulting in an audio sequence that may or may not embody the qualities of the original idea.

SERIOUS RAP VOICE, GANGSTA MO-FO, MUSIC PARTIALLY COMES IN THEN TALKING BEGINS:

i'm only fuckin gunna say this only one fucking time and only one fucking time only...

MUSIC EXPLODES, RAP EXPLODES:

crack your cerebellum for a one-of-a-kind [crack sound effect]
lyrical disaster to disorder your mind
substantial situations are about to define
the limits of your own capacity to align
the knowledge of format we can fucking express
to explore our entertainment with an aim to impress [applause sound effect]
i've got the talent and tools so don't provoke me unless
you are prepared to be pummeled into a state distress [car crash sound effect]
Societal Records coming and you'd better duck down [screaming sound effect]
curb-stomp you and your kitten if we see you around [meow sound effect]
say "bye" to your reputation with your teeth on the ground
that's what you get for fucking opening your mouth in my town
through thick and thin we'll all arrive sexy and stout
as enlightened early on, you'll be supplied with a clout
for lack of cathartic skill you ordinarily pout
but be aware that i'm on the ascent and you're out

GILBERT & SULLIVAN CHORUS (you could make the music and lyrics pause at the end of each line):

i am the very incarnate of modern wordy lyricists
who argue angrily and yet remain completely pacifist
my disposition disregards the disgrace indescribable
of existential, nihilist excitements oft' inscrutable
the interpersonal exploration which i do quite a bit
calls for communication requisite of a substantial wit
my grotesque understandings grow from grandiose fascination...
with malicious malleability in human interactions
[choir echos previous line]
i'm capable, controlling, and lexically indestructible
a mantis in conversation with spite instead of mandible
in short, in writings aggressive and yet harmlessly pacifist
i am the very incarnate of modern wordy lyricists

MORE RAP, PROGRESSIVELY GETTING OFF BEAT AND CRAPPY AND THEN...

so having established how amazing I am
unlike your old lady who uses too much Pam
which makes you all stupid and unable to cram
mad skills in rap pill, explode your speakers like BLAM

RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH I SUCK, MUSIC GRINDS TO A HALT AND ARGUING WITH MYSELF, OVERDUBBED:

Ivan 1: This is fucking lame Ivan.. what in the all hell gave you the idea that you could write a rap song?

Ivan 2: Well, sorry... but what is bitching about it going to accomplish? its only going to stick out like some guy screaming because he has his wank-stick stuck in a printing press, ruining the song because it's going to get old and repetitive really, really quickly.. assuming anyone even fucking LISTENS to it...

Ivan 1: Wank-stick? a printing press? Jesus christ on a unicycle, you fucking suck at writing! This is horrible.. what did comedy, rap, and the internet ever do to piss you off so bad you'd have to make a terrible mockery of all three in one fell swoop? Look, now you've even got me RUINING irony and metafiction at the SAME FUCKING TIME... FUCK!

Ivan 2: Well, at the very least, lets go for a vain attempt to salvage the song.

Ivan 1: Now you're insulting greek theatre.

Ivan 2: What?

Ivan 1: Exactly.

Ivan 2: ..fuck... MUSIC!

Ivan 1 (whispered?): why was it necessary for him to even say that? ..i mean (cut off)

IVAN RAP BATTLE:

Ivan 2:

********

you'll be shocked by our financial income and competitive successes.
we improve the situation with our abilities, and are prepared to defend ourselves.
you will be located and decimated if you bother us.
we are always active, so don't try to stop us or i'll show you how little skill you have.
sorry, but this is how life goes, and you'd best grow accustomed to my superiority.

you're a constant drain on my livelihood, which you should remedy less you vanish.
you may attempt to achieve more with less, though that is a public error which would bring you unwanted attention.
cease your bipolar facade so that i may rightly surpass you in the eyes of those who know you.
with the abilities that i bring to the table, we will gather to eliminate you financially.
i'm not at fiscal risk and my skills are quite marketable, where you seem to be unprepared and underachieving.
do not assume that you'll outdo me.

you're rubbish, i'm unique and growing.
your shortsightedness will be your undoing.
we are quite skilled, creative, and ask not to be disturbed whilst aggressively experimenting.
we can ignore you, or simply just invade and conquer your homeland.
such a staggering blow we would deliver that it would leave you unbalanced, as that is what we excel at.

*******

it is such a surprise
that you will have to close both of your eyes
all my friends get money
and crush competition
because we make things great
we are prepared
and we are armed and i will attack you
if you interfere with any of my friends
my friends and i will find you
decimate your reputation
determine your location, remove you
you should have not bothered us
we are always active
if you bother me, you'd best be prepared
it's not my fault, you're no good
this is real, i'm up and you're out

CHORUS G&S

you're infected, give me money, i smoke pot
if you take my money you will disappear violently
do as you will, someone is taking a shortcut
you're making mistakes, you'll be in the news
you'll be reported as acting pathetic
with your behavioral facade, calm but insidious
so i'll analyze your family and inquire if
you may move aside so my party may move ahead
PARTY MEMBER, PARTY MEMBER, victory
everyone i know from across the land
in the event that i arrive everybody knows my abilities
i have plenty of merchandise to earn profit
you will be confined with literary expression, yet comforted
request that your actions be spiritually graced and i'll release you from prison
you make assumptions whilst someone else grows and advances
i will soon attack you with sonic energy so make way

CHORUS G&S modern material/lyrical

living human feces, if you understand
i embody the qualities of my origins whilst earning money and victory
i hope you all are aware that my party is advancing with full force
if you are visually deprived you'd best find a source of light
my party, while i am creating music
PARTY'S NAME is the glorious party of which i speak
i'd advise you not to interfere with my masterpiece work
i consume in excess when you devour and digest my feces
in each instance that we consume there is a wave of airborne destruction
blowing off your attempts to bother the most prolific party
as it was in the instances that my party invaded your place of origin
upon victory we maintain control, thus i request command
else my party will dominate your territory viciously
where we will attack you with such frequency that you will lose balance
i am certain of my ability to make you express pain, as that is what i do
my party will exercise our dominion over you

long way down

i must remove my fixation on 'the impossible' before 'it' kills me.

.

i am going to quit spending money soon.

i am going to cut myself off the internet (and all computer use) soon, if possible, for as long as possible.

i am going to reduce my collection of music to the essentials soon. this will primarily consist of music i have purchased.

i am going to reduce the frequency of illegal substance consumption soon, and only engage in such activity when it is necessary and inexpensive.

i am going to attempt to reshape myself mentally, violently.

i am going to begin reading again.

i am going to cease involving myself in interpersonal politics.

i am going to be horridly behind.

i may shave my head.

i may wear only white and blue clothing; no logos, no words, 2 pockets per pair of pants, black leather belt, New Balance sandals with socks in summer, black rubber boots in winter.

i will become a simple person.

i need to quit assuming.

i need to quit worrying about identity. this will enable me to move on with my life, and escape the pop-culture i so greatly fear.

i will continue to play the occasional video game.

i will continue to play musical instruments.

i will visit my family on holidays.

i will no longer eat meat, where possible; i will not feel guilty when i must.

i will no longer consume refined sugar, where possible.

i will no longer engage in any activity that may lead to orga

this was kinda.. hashed together from conversations

we, as humans, have different kinds of needs. when i feel lonely (or any of that like), it is a similar experience to being hungry or cold; the body sending a signal to the brain that tells it 'action is required'. now, our society seems bent on developing a situation of ONE MAN + ONE WOMAN, however, i don't agree with that system. so what i've done is created a system where we have a number of people we can go to as a sort of "food" for our interpersonal needs, when people are available to provide "food". however, i realize that people aren't available at all times.. somewhat like.. seasonal foods. it would be stupid of us to starve ourselves of interpersonal contact simply because it wasn't available at a specific time. so, we should have a number other people we can go to if we want human contact of any sort, be it anything from basic conversation/small talk to full blown sexual interaction. it takes the principals of a multi-friendship system and applies them to more emotional/physical activities. so far, i'm very, very happy with how things are working out, even though, for the most part, i haven't really felt the need to make use of anyone else who is interested in me, even though i've had the opportunity...... though, its reassuring to know the liberty is there, that i'm not hanging myself up on convention.

titles don't do themselves justice

he is right behind me at the moment, and the other is off to my side. i can predict my klick-klick keyboarding becoming a flashpoint with regards to sleeping at any moment. my back is arched and hunched than i would usually agree to it becoming.

and right as we speak, my favorite transition of all on the cd i own is happening. an eagle is in my mind, and decides to evolve the background heartbeat, from the soft sliding of a body across the ground, to the beat and backbeat of his heart slowly eroding, without losing tempo.

i am fighting to retain my memories, and overcome the fear of my mock-ish presentation of this entry becoming anything aside from a subject and result of the time. the evening spent with Mehta (my new favorite name for men-- possibly without the 'h') has resulted in quite the extensive conversating (my words), and the subsequent hyper-articulation that i love to employ for a bit of padding (necessary evil).

he met a fellow outside the 7/11 who he had known ages ago, when they used to regularly duel across the oak (or simulacrum thereof) plain of a chess board. this individual was clad entirely in black: his shirt was a button up, faded shirt that probably originated ten years ago as a fancy, yet casual item purchased by one of his amigos. his pants were black faded jeans with the edges along the bottom torn, and stained a nasty shade of mud brown. he adorned himself with chains and (what i assume was) an adidas jacket (though the logo itself was missing, leaving only the three signature stripes stolen by all k-mart knockoffs). his hair was long, and had been died black most recently about 5 inches of hairgrowth ago, and the soft gradient did little to improve the visual situation.

... and as my brain began to digest this data from my eyes, i discovered he was the most perfect embodiment i've ever seen. he was the exact presentation of the concepts i've held in my mind; he was someone who was the walking abomination or animate lookup-table for everyone of my fears/doubts, with regard to my self image. he was a waking incarnation of what i didn't want "ivan" to become (both my his mind, and in the minds of everyone who knows me): some unshowering, pity-craving, counterfeit presentation of intelligence. now, hanging out with him was bad enough, as far as poor company goes (my mind was racing with analyzations of his character, reflecting on every newly discovered aspect, and noticing the verisimilitude with my projected fears). mehta, however, led me to discover a very interesting feeling, one that kiri has proclaimed many a time before: the dislike of those who act/art smarter than you. i am not convinced that meta and i have even a remotely similar manor of thinking. he seemed like someone who would be impossible to convince of who you were with words; he would have to figure you out from your actions to be content.

there are many subliminal human noises in track #7 on my BoC CD.

the noises of those upstairs are leading to me believe that the noises from the computer are probably resulting in those upstairs' state's to morph into some along the lines of "bothered by the klackity-klack," so i shall take this opportunity to depart (now that i have written everything i've wanted to remember, that i can still remember.

i will be home later today (friday). i will be in calgary tomorrow to see cirque.

i've been shot

and i am slowly bleeding to life. curse your fucking guts [not working].

working backwards

i voted for the green party, and now have the right to speak downwardly to those who did not [vote] (voices now have vertical direction).

i stayed at the school waiting for my project(s) to burn until 7:00, when i hurried out to the polls so as to ensure my vertical-voice was heard.

Mr. Tuck -

We interupt this program to inform the listener of the election results. Apparently, my voice does not count. And, apparently, neither does the entireity of British Collumbia. I am browsing the CBC news story online detailing Martin's new minority government before the votes from BC even pour in. Gotta love the internet and preparation for any outcome, with eager mice waiting over the "submit" button for which ever outcome may come out. "Once the Liberals gets over the joy of being still in power, their first job will be to figure out how to work with a partner after years of flying solo." Apparently they didn't have time to check grammar (not that I'm the poster child (pun?), I'm just expecting the best out of canada's pseudo-public media center).

- left the techlab at some time around 5, leaving me as the last person at school. It is an odd feeling, to be alone in the building, every locker wide open, every classroom cleaned out, two weeks after many would consider it lame to even walk past the parking lot. I suppose this is what distinguishes sterling and I from those who will be pumping our gas (oh the irony is just waiting to sting me).

Tuck pumped our bodies full of sugar. Anyone laughing at my diction I wish no further contact with, ever.

I set out to do pickup renders to cover over some of the gaps and errors from my renderfest this past weekend. This was expected to last until noon, when i would depart to visit with callista, though the demands of my project meshed nicely with our failure to establish any solid plans (or, at least, my failure to remember them.. i am not sure yet).

I arrived at the school at 10am. My parents, at that time, attended a meeting with some financial figure to lay the groundwork for my invasion of calgary.

I returned home from MG at around 2:30am. My ears rang long into the night, and made sleep somewhat bizarre. I dreamed, though i cannot remember what of. It was a dream where, upon being roused by my mother at 9:00, i wished only to return to the plot of my dream (which was, as always happens when one wakes from an involving dream, at a crutial moment).

Matt ended his show, and I paused in the crowd for a time to figure the possibility of a return for a second encore or, possibly, some interaction with fans. I got tired, left, didn't see laura on the way out.

Matt played a solo that sounded very Modest Mouseish. Matt played the extended live version of Hello Time Bomb i've seen him play at least three times, if not four (my memories of my youth are dodgy at the best of times). That version makes me melt inside, and leak goo out my shoes (or, possibly, concert sweat). In opposite news, he played both of the new country songs *puke*. I almost fell asleep standing in the crowd during those. Thankfully, he played the songs from the new album that I like, including an extended bridge for (can't remember which song, but i think it was) We're So Heavy. Weapon was nice, and the crowd favorite as far as people=jumping was concerned.

there was more, but it needs not be said.

i had no idea...

and as a result, i'm smacking myself on the forhead and smiling.

i promised myself i wouldn't talk about it here, but i never follow through on my promises to myself.

last night was spent at kait's house, in the company of the afformentioned host, justin, and callista. i had a great deal of fun, despite the southern comfort not going over as well as intended, and the fact that justin seemed bothered by something that i fear deals with me (though this may just be my imagination).

i feel bad. i'm almost certain i did something.

bad is such a bad word.

you are free

http://www.fetteredpleasures.com/mainpage.htm

Having discovered this site, i now BADLY want a body bag to sleep in. Not necessarily one of the ones on the site, but just a standard police-issue body bag dealie. Maybe david can get me one... hmmm.

Something about listening to cat power, eating humus, and looking up fetish equipment (including needles) has put me in a fun mood. "Can't you see we're going to hell?"

i had plans; like, so many plans

David and Sterling feel we should dress as pirates (I am the costume house, ohh yeah) and go to Red Deer to buy burnable media. Get it?

I had the idea that one of us should go as a pirate, and another should dress as metallica. Then, we should have a lightsaber fight, dressed as such, in future shop. The third person will film.

I was talking to rat-jen (HAHAHAHA long story that nobody here knows about yet) (no, i'm not going to start calling her/you that, no worries) and Matt Thiel and Tyler Waldo showed up at my door and i had a conversation with the through the window in which they told me they were playing risk so i got off the phone (sorry) and went to play with them. We played, and on the way home Matt said i should get a Moped when i move to calgary and paint it like yoshi. He and Tyler may be moving down too, after they graduate next year, so if i am i need of roommates they will invade my place, SQUATTERS BE FOREWARNED.

Live at the Internet

After the beauty I have experienced, I no longer find myself able to enjoy the Grace LP. All things considered, Grace and Mystery White Boy pale in comparrison to Live at Sin-é, despite the wonderful renditions of Dream Brother and, my favorite moment, the bridge of Mojo Pin on MWB. The liner notes are correct: Jeff Buckley is nowhere brilliant as the Sin-é, a small coffeeshop in NY. The setting presents him as, i am sure, he was intended to be wittnessed. It creates an atmosphere of personal interaction, and, to use a cliche, it is as if he is singing to you.The absence of a Pitchfork review had left me somewhat put off, until I contrasted that with the other thoughts I've been having lately about their website. While Pitchfork may have provided me the occasional gem I otherwise would have been oblivious to (My Bloody Valentine, Boards Of Canada, et al.) they have a habit of overrating acts that SOUND indie. This bothers me deeply, as their literary presentation as a service for music eclectics seems self-serving and false in nature, especially when they serve a specific, unobjective ideal. Objectivity in media is one thing I value, however, it seems to rely heavily on organization to properly strip an event of the opinions of any individual writer/journalist. Of course, once such organization is present, it presents an opportunity for a specific group or person in charge of the organization to off their own spin on the information (repeat after me: CNN).


The previous writing is unfinished, unedited, and underthought. I am no longer able to continue, on the grounds that my mind is failing me. Or, better, it is overreaching the scope of the previous topic for the time being.

Sterling is the master of doublethink, so he has professed. I, however, claim the right to the title Master of Chainthink. My mind will analyze every thought, then analyze the analyzation of each thought, and so forth. It will also diverge from each thought to associated topics, then analyze those topics, and so forth.

EDIT [one minute later]: my mind thinks in fractals. thoughts, drawn out, would form fractals. that is probably the best way to describe it. usually, i will clear my mind of most branch topics every time i find a thought i'd like to use as the basis for a new thought. my mood typically dictates the length of time i will let my mind branch out for.

or something.

my current favourite word

phenomenology:

1) A philosophy or method of inquiry based on the premise that reality consists of objects and events as they are perceived or understood in human consciousness and not of anything independent of human consciousness.

2) the way in which one perceives and interprets events and one's relationship to them in contrast both to one's objective responses to stimuli and to any inferred unconscious motivation for one's behavior

i should be working [dot] calm

there was much to do today. most of it was done. some things were not expected.

one such thing was my visit to Ruckers in edmonton this afternoon. I had an hour to kill, so i wandered in there to browse the clothing. The lady behind the counter seemed to recognize me from my last visit to the store 6 months ago. it was odd, and a conversation was begun. it ended up with her telling me to bring my artwork to the store and they'd put it up on the walls and sell it for me. we had browsed through my deviantart page, at her initiation i might add. it was all quite an interesting experience, though i don't buy her enthusiasm. i think she was more of a new mexico abstract art fan.

while browsing the store, i happened upon a few gems in their used cd section:

Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight
Bill Hicks - Philosophy
[and a] Ruckers' Comp CD of local bands

I'm not sure if the first item is an EP or a single, but it had several (about 5 or 6) songs I did not have, and was only $9. Near mint condition, save for a few cracks in the case (can be fixed). The Bill Hicks was a best-of, of sorts. Easter was on there, along with several very funny pieces. It was, for the most part, much to my eager expectation, the sort of material I have grown accustomed to from Bill: crazy leftist/anarchist pro-drug anti-religion anti-stupid declarations of ideological war that leave one laughing hard at few moments, and smiling the entire duration a big loony grin that says "this many may be onto something" just as well as it says "i am amused amazingly." The Ruckers CD was a compilation album of local bands. Pretty self explanatory. It had mostly punk, but also some metal, some ska, and some jazz-stuff which defies explanation, though it isn't all that complex.. just.. unfingerable.

Mars & Venus is dead. Not gone, just lacking any diversity of male clothing that may otherwise intrigue me or fit me or not suck majorly. I am having such a difficulty finding clothes that fit my criteria, unless i look at women's clothing. Of course, that is all made to small and designed to showcase certain lower-body sausages and chest-mounted, slap-bate conundrums.

So, for the time being (currently: 5:24am, friday) i am going to sip my 9-hour-old starbucks iced (no longer) black tazo tea. no sugar.

plan of action

thats what the old plan should have been.

I am going to spend a while only buying music by artists who i know and trust. This includes _____________________


...I am a little bit annoyed. I am feeling let down. Better yet, i am now officially giving myself a personal spending budget of $0. I need to begin to save my money for the "rough" times ahead. This means all music I acquire will be via you wonderful people (meaning the internet and everyone on/in/around it). Especially Justin and Caitlin, as you guys give me craploads of music and I really appreciate it.

Edit [11:45]:

Record came out yesterday, hope you like it. It's a little different than what I've done in the past and fully expect that to displease some. But what can you do.
-Mg

now that we're thoroughly disappointed

Transport, motorways and tramlines
Starting and then stopping
Taking off and landing
The emptiest of feelings
Disappointed people clinging on to bottles
And when it comes it's so so disappointing

To The 5 Boroughs - Beastie Boys
White Light Rock & Roll Review - Matthew Good
Come Again - Ian Thornley
Good News For People Who Love Bad News - Modest Mouse
A Crow Left Of The Murder - Incubus
The Mourning After - 40 Below Summer
Machina | The Machines Of God - Smashing Pumpkins
Maladroit - Weezer

...Just to name a few.

the lights were out

this will be the beginning of my new online journal. i have become thoroughly annoyed with the lack of advanced coding support at diaryland, and have decided to ditch that outlet in favor of one with a better template system. this is a trial, for the time being, and my decision whether to keep this journal or not will depend entirely on how it handles my new interface ideas.

near the title are a number of hidden links. i am attempting to defeat the built in advertisments; ad links must be tolerated for the time being.


My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?